check six

I know you have heard the Chuck Norris sayings, so here's some of the aviation inspired ones. There are more, these are just my favorites.

Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris never gets vectors to final . . . final gets vectored to
Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board

If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o'clock.

When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to
hold short

Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no
longer has any use for it.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never
dare get cross with Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is
never under pressure.

When the BASH condition is Red, planes don't fly. When the BASH
condition is Norris, birds don't fly.

Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any
plane that has gotten within 10 miles

When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the
controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the
straight in.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are
flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck
Norris

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris
broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.

An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once

Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne, if
you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.

Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris
is never unable to do anything.

Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flight
path

Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared
vision is working perfectly fine.

T-45 Anti Icing Capabilities: Pitot Heat, 5th Stage Bleed Air, Chuck
Norris

A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris...no one is safe.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late;
you are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via
correspondence.

Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.

The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of
Pain

you are a bigot tina fey

Some Will Ferrell outtakes for your sleepy Sunday.

Hopefully it will stave off thoughts of Monday.

heh

Via Blackfive

wow

The laugh track couldn't get many laughs in as Dennis Miller goes off on Sen. Harry Reid.

H/T Hot Air

ouch

This is just totally embarrassing. If you notice this cadet participating on Wheel of Fortune has a wreath of leaves on her uniform. That denotes that she was outstanding in military activities. Cadets that do well in academics get a star. She does not have a star.

drinking this weekend?

Try these on your holiday weekend. Or maybe stay away depending on your point of view. Sammy, you'll love this!

H/T Guidons, Guidons, Guidons!

newest af training

I know we're short on money, but this is ridiculous.

H/T to Pablo. Thanks bro!

this does not look good

This would not instill much confidence in perspective students.

Found here.

friday fun

A bit of humor for your Friday. At least you know us zoomies can laugh at ourselves. All via eDodo, the underground e-zine for the US Air Force Academy.





Have a great weekend!

where'd he go?

Heh.

Via Blackfive via Wizbang!

turn the heat off!

This is hilarious T-38 HUD video. This flight took place over a year ago involving a Japanese student and an IP who I believe is known as callsign Satan. It made the rounds of every other instructor desk on base, and even though I was a student not too long ago, it still gives me a chuckle.

Just for background, you cannot hear much when the afterburners are cookin in a Talon, not even your own radios. When the heat is on, it is even louder. Plus the heat comes straight from the bleed air, so it gets hot quick. Warning for bad language. Turn the heat OFF! O-F-F! What?

Thanks to Paulie for the link.

doh!

This is not the way to score your 15 seconds of fame. I guess he's just a cadet, so he still has that excuse... Source.

Cadet fell off ship re-enacting movie scene

DENVER — An Air Force Academy cadet who plunged about 50 feet from a cruise ship balcony into the ocean with a female passenger thanked his rescuers Tuesday but didn’t discuss the details of what happened.

Ernesto Guzman, 22, and Celeste Clarice Partee, 20, fell from the balcony of Partee’s cabin on Princess Cruises’ Grand Princess about 150 miles off the coast of Galveston, Texas, on March 25.

KWGN-TV in Denver reported that the pair were re-enacting a famous scene from the movie “Titanic” when they fell. Guzman took off his clothes to stay afloat, the station reported.

Both were rescued by boats launched from the ship.

Guzman issued a statement through the academy thanking Princess Cruises and the U.S. Coast Guard.

“The combination of their quick response and my water survival training at the United States Air Force Academy combined to save my life during those five hours in the Gulf of Mexico,” said Guzman, a junior.

Good thing his training saved him from his stupidity. I bet his fingers were a bit pruny for a while.

zing

From my dad

Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sargent were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I w as on the job till the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginni ng? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"

"What," replied the Marine, "and have you three Assholes report that I was the aggressor?"

some fun

This has been around the net for awhile, but I ran across it again.

Even the local Fox channel picked up on the story

You know if this guy shows up at my base I won't let him live it down.

happy easter

Remember the real reason for Easter.

He is risen.

Indeed.

hehe

This is good. Trust me.

funny haha or funny weird?

So apparently women laugh more than men. I do not find this all that suprising. I might make an interesting subject to study in reference to how much I laugh in comparison to my male counterparts, seeing as I am out numbered by them, oh lets say 15-1. I work with some pretty funny guys, so they keep my chuckling. But when they laugh at me, its generally at me not with me. Things usually go like this:

Me: "Boy they really know how to please a girl."
Other guy: "So to speak!"
Every one laughs.

Anything that I say that could at all be associated with a sexual reference generally is. The expert says laughter all comes down to attraction anyway. Guys are trying to attract women, and women are attracted to funny men. Therefore women laugh at men they are attracted to.... vicious cycle if you are not the "funny guy" in your office. I knew there would be another plus of laughing too much!

Article from NYT via Instapundit.

a jab

At some of my favorite grunts...

You know I love you guys. Someday you'll love me too when you're calling me in for that air strike...

UPDATE: Thanks for the link from Mrs. Greyhawk over at the Mudville Gazette.

some af humor

Photos via eDodo.

And for the Zoomies out there....

how do you enter holding?

From my friend Paul. Thanks for the laugh dude!

UPDATE: My students started instruments last week, so this quite appropriate. Especially when I have seen holding patterns not to far off....